I find that I get a lot of hits from being in the "raped" diaryring. But when people get here they probably leave because I don't even mention it. Rape is a very touchy subject, especially to a girl who has experienced it first hand. It is a subject that a lot of people avoid and ignore. Including me. I have not written about it before because I am afraid let it out in fear of it opening the flood gates. It's kind of like if I were to talk about it, it would make is seem more real. When I keep it inside, I am the only person who knows, and therefore I don't have to really come to terms with it. I can push it into the back of my mind and pretend that it never happened, or that it was a bad dream. There's just something about putting it into words that terrifies the hell out of me. It's like it makes it more real. I know that I am in denial, and that one day I need to face my fears and face reality, the reality that I was abused, but as for now, I am happy pretending it never happened. So if you happen to stumble upon my diary, please don't blow me off because I haven't come to terms with my harsh past. Trust me, the memories seem to be working themselves to the surface, and I'm sure that I will soon face my worst nightmares. Until then, please keep reading my otherwise boring diary and have faith in me. Much love. <3