i swear i am cursed...another disaster this weekend...ben invited me out friday night, so me being the dumbass i am, i accepted his invitation...not even thinking of the possibility of g. being there...kelli and i met up with ben, don, crystal, and wayne at ben and manfred's house...we walked down to live and ben was buying all kinds of drinks...kelli counted eight captain and gingers, plus a couple shots, and a huge captain and coke i had at ben's house...kelli and i go to the bathroom and g. is there when i come out...kelli just stopped dead in her tracks and turned and looked at me...i walked up behinf him and touched his shoulder...he turned around and gave me a huge hug...i was so suprised at the greeting i got from him...i went back to where all my people were sitting...i kept catching him staring at me...i noticed moy over at the bar and i took kelli over to introduce them to each other....he bought us drinks...we were talking and somehow g. and the way i feel about him came up...moy told me that i should try again and that he doesn't know what happened before...he said as far as he knows i did nothing wrong...well, live was closing, so everyone went back to ben's...moy, kelli, and i were sitting together on the porch...all of a sudden moy told me to go inside and talk to g. because he was in the house alone...i kept pushing me to go...i gave in...i walked inside and g. saw me and had this look like "oh shit" on his face...i thought he was going to literally run the other way...i don't remember exactly what i said to him, but it had something to do with why we broke up...i was trying to be funny and i asked him if i didn't give him enough head...he laughed at me...then he tried to step around me...so i moved in front of him...he kept repeating "please, don't do this"...then he said something about me having a boyfriend...i guess george told him about clyde...then he told me that he was drunk and i was drunk and we shouldn't do this...by this time i was practically begging him to work things out with me...i guess he got pissed off and wanted to get away from me...he grabbed my arm, hard, and twisted it behind me, then he shoved me to the side...i cried out as i almost fell and he apologized as he walked out the door...i went outside and told kelli that i wanted to leave...she asked why and i said that i didn't want to talk about it and that i just wanted to go...moy kept asking what had happened and i told him to stop...kelli and i walked down the front steps past g...i didn't even look at him...i walked away and g. said my name...i turned back and looked at him and he didn't say anything...so i turned away again...i got out to my car and moy and noel (another of g.'s friends) had followed us...moy kept asking me to come back and not leave...he kept asking what happened inside...and then i really got upset...i totally spilled everything to him...about how i feel and how i've tried to move on...moy told me to wait for g...he repeated himself a couple times telling me to wait...he told me that g. broke up with me because he knew he was getting in too deep with me...then i looked up and g. and the rest of his friends were walking towards us...they all kept asking if i was okay...then g. said that they were leaving...kelli and i got into the car after moy hugged me and tried to calm me down...they all left and we were pulling away, ben came up to the car...he had to go on with his sob story and try to turn the attention onto himself...but at the moment i was being self centered and i told him that i really don't care about what happened to him...i felt like a bitch...i just wanted to go home and go to bed and never wake up...finally we left and i went home and cried myself to sleep...i just want to know why moy kept pushing me to follow g. into the house...and why he kept telling me to wait for him...kelli and george both say it's because moy knows something and won't tell me...i just wish that he would...even if it's something that will hurt my feelings, i'd rather know...so, to make a long story short, i fucked things up once again when they were finally starting to get a little bit better...my life story...