i feel like a whore...i feel dirty and ashamed...i had sex for the first time in months and i honestly wish i hadn't...it's not that i don't like the guy...it's the fact that i didn't try to stop him or say "no"...but what's even worse is the fact that i woke up next to him and did it all over again...i tried so hard to hide the gashes on my body...he kept asking why i was under the comforter when it was so warm in his bedroom...i just said that i like to be covered up and he left it alone...i feel bad because i gave it up so quickly and willingly...but i just wanted to feel close to someone...and he was there...i kept pretending in my mind that he was g...but no matter how hard i tried to create the image of g. in my mind, it wouldn't come...i would look up and see this guy that i've only known for a short period of time...this stranger...not the person i love...i need to go get some sleep and try to forget this weekend...<3