last night it occurred to me that i will probably be alone forever...i am so fucking scared of letting myself get into a relationship again...nick called me and was mumbling something about me making a "big mistake" because i won't give him a chance...and that he loves me, but he can't tell me why it's such a big mistake...or at least he can't tell me yet...he said that i'll find out soon enough...but no matter how much i try to let people into my life, i always end up denying them acess once they make their way to the front of the line...kind of like what happened to me today at busch gardens...carla and i waited in line for about a half an hour and we were next to get onto the roller coaster...but then it broke down...reminded me of how i treat all these people who try to get me to fit them into my life...i swear up and down that it's not a waste of time trying to hook up with me...and i promise that i won't be as busy the next week, but as soon as i get an offer for dinner or a movie or a few drinks, i figure some way i can busy myself...and it's an ongoing thing until the guy stops calling, but by then i have picked up some other guy...and the cycle continues...why must everything happen to me? what did i do to deserve all this? please, somebody give me some answers!!