i cut...bad...worse than i have in a long time...it made me feel better...but only for a little while...then i wanted to cut more, and deeper...i want to stop...but i can't...it's an addiction...it washes away my pain...when the blood flows it cleanses my soul...releases the pressure on my brain...i don't feel bad for giving in...i feel relieved that i can still feel...even if all i feel is pain...emotional and physical...the pain is so much better than the numbness that usually dominates my being...it means i'm still alive...barely breathing....hardly thinking...yet alive...