Heh. So much for keeping up with entries. I'm trying though. it seems like I lost my ablity to express myself. Even in speech. I feel like I can't communicate anymore, like when I talk, it's just a bunch of jibberish coming out of my mouth. Maybe it's because I myself don't even understand what I'm saying anymore. I don't understand what's happening inside my head. All i know is that it's getting worse and worse. I'm hallucinating and when something real does happen, I have a really hard time comprehending. Jason always asks what's wrong, why I always make up scenarios in my head where he's unfaithful, but I just can't explain it. He doesn't understand that I can't control it, that I AM happy with him, that the scenarios are caused by my overactive imaginiation (or at least I hope). But how do I tell him that I think I have something wrong with my head. I don't want to lose him. I really believe that I would fall apart if I did. But me doing this is only driving him away. I can;t control my tears. I cry all the time and he gets angry at me when I cry because I can't explain what's going on. I'm just so tired of being this way. I feel like I've totally lost control. And I don't know how to get it back.