i cried again today...when i left work...i was listening to simple plan...and i just started bawling...ginger told me at work that she called the counseling place...that i'm the one who inspired her to do it...so why am i having such a hard time doing the deed myself? i am so scared...i'm afraid of what they are going to tell me..."yeah, you're pretty fucked up in the head, kiddo, we're going to put you in this here padded room"...ugh...the thought of it gives me chills...i don't want something to be wrong with me...i want to be able to tell everyone that i'm okay...that i'm not losing my mind...that i'm normal, and just confused...telling g. is my biggest concern...i would absolutely hate to have to tell him that i really do have something wrong with me...he already thinks i'm nuts...this would just confirm it...and pretty much crush any sliver of hope that still lingers...i was thinking about it at work today...i am so afraid of him rejecting me again...i was seriously contemplating leaving work and just ending it all...i really don't think that i could take him hurting me again just because he is scared of his feelings...i want to try to talk to him and slowly get him back into my life...hopefully i'll see him at work tomorrow and get to chat with him...just small talk...and joke around...i love to see him smile...i'm so tired of crying...i don't want to go on...i've lost my will to live...i need all this to end...